I have a real heart for wanting to help, to give words of encouragement or to simply lend a listening ear. Once again, because these posts are few on Simply Frugal, but are a part of my journey, I’m sharing because I want to be an encouragement to those who may need it.
This past weekend, I was faced with an unfortunate circumstance, one that I’ve had to face in the past unfortunately. The circumstance has once again brought up questions of whether or not I can actually be content with what I have in my life right now. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve struggled with being content but my fear of not seeing to fruition the idea of what I think my life should look like has held me back from experiencing life to the fullest. Fear is debilitating.
This past weekend has reminded me once again that life isn’t all about coupons, free stuff and saving money. It’s about finding those that can sit around you and lend you support. Whether it be someone that waits with you for hours, or someone that lets you cry on their shoulder or someone that invites you over for tea. Or even someone that gives you encouragement because of something they’ve had to work though in their own life. It’s those moments that make life wonderful. Those are the times when you realize you can make it through with what you have at that moment.
Through my trial this weekend, I’ve been so encouraged by good friends and family. I’m starting to slowly make strides towards letting go of my fears of what I may never have and starting towards a life of living more intentionally for the sake of joy.
Friends, if you need encouragement today, especially, (but not only) those of you that have undergone the pain of miscarriage, can I ask you to reach out to me? Or find a friend you can lean on? Without a tribe of support, life can be really daunting. 🙁
Dear Taya: So sorry to read your sad news. I miscarried twins over 40 years ago and there is still a hurt that never goes away but two shining stars in the heavens that represent them. At the time, my doctor said it was nature’s way of eliminating the imperfect. I had two more babies after that. Hopefully time will heal your broken heart and what you yearn for, will be yours…..but for now….take time to heal your body and mind…We \love you and take care of yourself……baby steps! ANN
Dear Taya:
Until your last sentence, I felt your pain, yet didn’t really know what made you feel so sad. May I write you a long email about my miscarriage, and people’s awful reactions to it? My very first pregnancy, I was so excited & told everyone I could that I was pregnant. All of the pregnancy books tell you not to tell anyone you’re pregnant until the beginning of the 2nd trimester (4th month) because most miscarriages occur within the first trimester. The day I went for my first ultrasound, I was talking up a storm with the technician; I was just so excited. The ultrasound technician wasn’t saying anything, and at the end, she sent me immediately (upstairs) to see my OBGYN. There I found out that I had a “non-viable pregnancy”: I had the slightly rounded belly of a pregnant woman, with the amniotic fluid & the amniotic sac, but there was no fetus. This is a different kind of miscarriage because you haven’t lost a baby, per se. I had never heard of this before. When I went back to work, I was told that I might have a natural “breaking of the waters,” or I might need a little “surgical help.” I hope you understand what I’m saying, Taya. So because I worked very closely with another woman at work, I decided to tell her this, just in case she wondered why I was running to the washroom…Well this woman was a born-again Christian, and after telling her exactly what I’ve told you about this unusual “non-viable pregnancy,” she said that what I’d had was impossible; I must have had a baby in there somewhere, and that God had decided to kill my baby. I’m not a violent person, Taya, but that day, one of my fingers curled into a fist & I came very close to giving her a punch. Over the next few days, before I went in for the surgery, I had other terrible reactions: one of my best friend’s husbands–they had just discovered that my friend was pregnant–this husband actually said, “Oh, well; you can always try again.” I am saying this because many people are insensitive and will not say nice things when, maybe, they should say nothing instead of saying something awful. May I suggest that you let yourself grieve over your loss, in your own way. My director, at work, said this to me; she urged me to take a few days away from work “to grieve.” Considering she is a single, childless woman, I thought she was being incredibly supportive. With me, as well, I was told (before I found out that I wasn’t going to have the baby) that my due date would be December 12th. So every December 12th, for the past 20 years, I have a few moments’ of silence, to honour what might have been. I am sorry for your loss, Taya. All the best, Anne
We love you, Taya. It’s heartbreaking that this has happened. I know you will find that happiness, and I think you have in some small with your affirmation of why good friends matter. We are there for you, as you always know. We’re all spread across Canada and somewhat faceless behind our computer screens or mobile phones, but that doesn’t make our friendship and love any less real. Sending you many many hugs.
Aw, Taya, I am so heartbroken for you. I hope you know that I am always here for you if you need to talk.
Sending you a virtual {{hug}}
Thanks so much.
Dear one, Don’t lose hope, please don’t. I had two miscarriages in between my two children. The first loss was traumatic, awful, and horrible, and my then 2 year old dragged me into and through each day. The second was sadly familiar ground so I was more in “control” of how it unfolded for my family. My 4th pregnancy, the one that resulted in my son (now 7), was stressful. I felt anxious and didn’t enjoy my pregnancy as innocently as I had my first, but it was part of my journey. If I can make one recommendation for your care and recovery, both physically and emotionally, it would be to seek out a wonderful, caring, acupuncturist. They have such a holistic approach and will help you heal in all areas. Take time for you, be kind to you, we hold space for you.
Thank you so much for your story. I’m also sorry for the heartbreak you have experienced 🙁 Thankfully I haven’t lost hope. I had two other miscarriages before my daughter (now 2 1/2) was born. Those were really hard. This one was hard too but I’ve pulled myself together more quickly thanks to the good friends and family I mentioned. (Who were also around the other times) My struggle now is to not be afraid of possible heartbreak again.
Dear Taya: Two more things to say about feeling afraid. I, too, was afraid of what would happen when I got pregnant, and I now have 2 healthy teenage boys! And the 2nd thing is that my neighbour had 5 miscarriages–yes, you read that correctly–between her first and 2nd child. And how she managed to keep trying is a testament to her courage, isn’t it? As one of the respondents said, we’re here for you–even if it’s behind a computer screen. I send virtual hugs too. Anne
I’m very sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
This baby will always live in your heart. After 35 years and 3 more children, I still think often of the one who lives in heaven, our first, particularly each year on the date. I have come to realize, however, that had that child lived, we would have had a completely different family from the one we have. The children and grandchildren we have are the ones who were meant to be ours here and we are confident that one day we will also meet our oldest daughter. You will need to go through the mourning process but remember, God has another plan for your life and someday you will see that it was the best plan after all.
It does make it much easier to bear knowing that I have the exact family that I’m supposed to have. Because I’ve now had several miscarriages, I’ve actually learned to be thankful for my circumstances because I’ve had the opportunity a few times now to comfort friends in need. That is worth my pain, to share in another ones grief. Thank you so much for your words.
I am always struck with admiration for people who bust free of their inhabitions and share their hurts/disappointments from their inmost being. This is so counter culture to facebookers etc sharing all and only their ” pretty” sides of their lives… You’re right, fear is a negative force and can be debilitating…. I pray that you’ll be able to have another baby…soon…. patience is the buzz word that we don’t want to hear.
Patience is definitely a hard thing for me! 🙂 I have many “unpretty” sides to my life and I’ve been learning to share those as well as the “good”. I’ve been so encouraged by others when I hear of their struggles. Thank you for taking the time to write 🙂